“The only working model of socialism I have ever seen is in an elementary school classroom.”

“We go to school so that when we grow up we can make lots of money, and we make lots of money so we can provide for our children, and we have children to provide for our retirement (because we don’t have any money left).”

“Only people are worth dying for.”

“It's fine to have a dream girl, but you should ask yourself…would you be her dream boy?”

“Some people believe in imaginary friends. I believe in imaginary numbers.”

“Life is like a box of cookies: it's good while it lasts, but before you know it, it's gone.”

“God gave us free will so that we might choose our own destinies. He left it up to us to achieve them.”