“What's it like?""Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans.”

“Step up to red alert."Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb." - Rimmer & Kryten, "Red Dwarf”

“Why d'you say "Mayday"? It's just a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday" or "Ascension Sunday"? He turned back to the communicator. 'Ascension Sunday... Ascension Sunday.' He thought for a while and then tried: 'The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost... The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost...”

“Lister patted the towel rail against his left palm. 'I'm going out like I came in - screaming and kicking.''You can't whack Death on the head.''If he comes near me, I'll rip his tits off.”

“Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence. - Rimmer”

“Your explanation for anything slightly odd is aliens,' said Lister. 'You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens.”

“Just a pot noodle. Oh - and I found a tin of dog food on the tool shelf.'Misery hissed through Lister's gritted teeth. 'Well,' he said finally. 'Pretty obvious what gets eaten last. I can't stand pot noodles.”