“It is a consolation or a misfortune that the wrong kind of people are too often correct in their prognostications of the future; the far-seeing are also the foolish.”

“And they're also very foolish, because no human being can ever make another human being completely happy. Human beings are far too imperfect for that.”

“People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.”

“The best consolation in misfortune or affliction of any kind will be the thought of other people who are in a still worse plight than yourself; and this is a form of consolation open to every one. But what an awful fate this means for mankind as a whole! We are like lambs in a field, disporting themselves under the eye of the butcher, who chooses out first one and then another for his prey.”

“Nothing wrong with looking like a fool if what you are doing is far from foolish.”

“There are also the people too bizarre to ignore, like Kyle Simpson. Future male stripper.”