“Gratitude is a euphemism for resentment.”

“My dear, I used to think I was serving humanity . . . and I pleasured in the thought. Then I discovered that humanity does not want to be served; on the contrary it resents any attempt to serve it. So now I do what pleases myself.”

“I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It's a common failing.”

“Christ was crucified for preaching without a police permit”

“Under what circumstances is it moral for a group to do that which is not moral for a member of that group to do alone?”

“When railroading time comes you can railroad—but not before.”

“Because the world has gone nutty and art always paints the spirit of its times”