“Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.”

“It is a bad sign when the people of a country stop identifying themselves with the country and start identifying with a group. A racial group. Or a religion. Or a language. Anything, as long as it isn't the whole population.”

“Never try to outstubborn a cat.”

“Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.”

“One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.”

“History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion — ie., none to speak of”

“I woke up in bed with a man and a cat. The man was a stranger; the cat was not”