“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”

“New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.”

“We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.”

“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”

“After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.”

“There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.”