“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”

“After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.”

“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”

“Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. ”

“There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.”

“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”