“We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.”

“New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.”

“Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.”

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”

“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”