“I didn’t think I’d end up divorced with three kids and a bucket fanny, but there you go.”

“There’s like a dude at the door, asking for you?”“Did you let him in?”“No. I said I would check with you.”“Well, did you ask his name?”“Yeah. It’s Mr. Rickard.”“That’s Adam you idiot! Go and let him in!”“But he’s like fit!”“No need to sound so shocked.”“You’re dating him?”“Yes. look, I haven’t got time to go this, and he is standing out on the doorstep.”“Fucking hell Mum, like, way to go.”

“Saturday 18th July 19:02TO: [email protected]. Will see you tomorrow. I am just going home for a bit of anal.Saturday 18th July 19:04TO: [email protected] was the auto correct! Not me! My email was meant to read ‘I am just going home for a bit of a nap!’I am tired, I am not, and I never have…Anyway. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.Coco.”

“TO: [email protected] god! Oh god! Oh shit! I have just sent the email I was meant to send to you, slagging off Meryl to Meryl by mistake. Damn this email invention.”

“TO:[email protected]: Something's wrong! The house is shaking!TO:[email protected]: Well can you turn down the volume on Star Trek:Voyager? I thought we were having an earthquake when the Enterprise hit Warp speed. Why did you let me sleep until nearly one?”

“I felt tears coming and for some reason, buried my head in Iain’s chest. It was firm and muscled and he smelt so wonderful.I realised what I was doing and pulled away, but a big string of snot hung between my nose and his shirt pocket.”

“I came out of the bathroom naked this morning as the computer was ringing and Meryl and Tony appeared via Skype.”