“Saturday 18th July 19:02TO: [email protected]. Will see you tomorrow. I am just going home for a bit of anal.Saturday 18th July 19:04TO: [email protected] was the auto correct! Not me! My email was meant to read ‘I am just going home for a bit of a nap!’I am tired, I am not, and I never have…Anyway. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.Coco.”

“TO: [email protected] god! Oh god! Oh shit! I have just sent the email I was meant to send to you, slagging off Meryl to Meryl by mistake. Damn this email invention.”

“Thursday 1st January 00:15TO: [email protected] from the London Eye are bursting above my head filling the garden with reds, yellows and blues, but I am on my own. I don’t know where Daniel is. He promised he would be home by eleven.Happy New Year x”

“Thursday 18th June 07:37TO: [email protected], ow ow. Sunburn. Grass burn. Torn dress. Mud in hair. Hung-over. Feel like a slut.”

“There’s like a dude at the door, asking for you?”“Did you let him in?”“No. I said I would check with you.”“Well, did you ask his name?”“Yeah. It’s Mr. Rickard.”“That’s Adam you idiot! Go and let him in!”“But he’s like fit!”“No need to sound so shocked.”“You’re dating him?”“Yes. look, I haven’t got time to go this, and he is standing out on the doorstep.”“Fucking hell Mum, like, way to go.”

“I didn’t think I’d end up divorced with three kids and a bucket fanny, but there you go.”

“TO:[email protected]: Something's wrong! The house is shaking!TO:[email protected]: Well can you turn down the volume on Star Trek:Voyager? I thought we were having an earthquake when the Enterprise hit Warp speed. Why did you let me sleep until nearly one?”