“Golf is a worrier's game, inward, concentrated, a matter of inches, invented by the same people who gave us Presbyterianism.”

“You know what the game of golf is, don't you? It's basketball for people who can't jump and chess for people who can't think.”

“He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.”

“You know why God invented Golf?' Service asked the ME, who shrugged. 'To keep assholes off trout streams.”

“Which is how most people acted when it came to temptation. They gave in. And we should never forget, thought Isabel, that every one of us is capable of doing the same thing if the game that we see for ourselves is large enough.”

“I invented underwear with only one leg hole, for people who like to concentrate on frozen orange juice while bungee jumping from a tampon string.”