“Drinking just to get drunk is like having sex just to get pregnant.”
“You know, I've heard you actually have to have sex to get pregnant.”
“The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex. To me, bars are what hell is like.”
“Publishing a book is like being pregnant. By the end, you're just ready to get that baby out!”
“Have a drink, and try to relax. All right, have another drink. There are times when getting drunk's not a bad idea.”
“America does not know the difference between money and sex. It treats sex like money because it treats sex as a medium of exchange, and it treats money like sex because it expects its money to get pregnant and reproduce.”