“Show me a man who has enjoyed his school days and I’ll show you a bully and bore.”

“I Brought My Grandma's Teeth to SchoolI brought my grandma’s teeth to school to share for show-and-tell.Billy showed his sneakers. It was more like show-and-smell.Kevin brought a violin and showed he couldn’t play.Katie brought a snake to school—too bad it got away.Our class likes show-and-tell a lot, so we were sad to hearour teacher say that show-and-tell is canceled till next year.”

“Man is unconquerable because he can make even his helplessness so entertaining. His motto seems to be "Even though He slay me, yet will I make fun of Him!”

“I love you because we hate the same stuff”

“You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.”

“Printer's ink has been running a race against gunpowder these many, many years. Ink is handicapped, in a way, because you can blow up a man with gunpowder in half a second, while it may take twenty years to blow him up with a book. But the gunpowder destroys itself along with its victim, while a book can keep on exploding for centuries.”

“In other words, the problem of empire-building is essentially mystical. It must somehow foster the impression that a man is great in the degree that his nation is great; that a German as such is superior to a Belgian as such; an Englishman, to an Irishman; an American, to a Mexican: merely because the first-named countries are in each case more powerful than their comparatives. And people who have no individual stature whatever are willing to accept this poisonous nonsense because it gives them a sense of importance without the trouble of any personal effort.”