“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ”

“Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.”

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.”

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

“To err is human — and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”

“Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.”