“Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.”

“Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected”

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. ”

“Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.”

“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ”