“To err is human — and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”

“More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.”

“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ”

“Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected”

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. ”

“Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”