“Now, it's a fact well known to those who know it well that prophets of doom only attain popularity when they get the drinks in all around.”

“It's a well-known fact that black sheep should never have lambs. You know what you get when you take a black sheep and give it a lamb? You get a thing called "supervised visitation" that's what.”

“There seem to be only two kinds of people: Those who think that metaphors are facts, and those who know that they are not facts. Those who know they are not facts are what we call "atheists," and those who think they are facts are "religious." Which group really gets the message?”

“I tried to smile back. Now, don't get me wrong. Sam Carroll wasn't a creep or a bully or anything. It's just that he was... well, he was Sam Carroll, for goodness' sake. I'd only known him for forever and he'd only followed me around for even longer.”

“Life has a way of turning things around. Those who mourn well know this. As a result, they also live well--with courage and curiosity.”

“It's a well-known fact. All women are clinically insane, but especially ballet dancers. Psycho. extremely psycho. Trust me.”