“I wish people weren't so set on being themselves, when that means being a bastard.”

“Being illegitimate is a technicality. It does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. Men use "bastard" as a curse. But to use the term thus is to show that they themselves are less than a proper human being.”

“I love when I can reboot people when they are being mean to others...”

“If it’s a choice between being shat on and pissed on and used and being a bastard, I’ll choose being a bastard any time.”

“Never underestimate the meanness in people's souls... Even when they're being kind... especially when they're being kind.”

“We weren't being mauled by lions.We weren't being tortured with bamboo shoots shoved under our fingernails.No Chinese water torture.No burning at the stake.We weren't even being interrogated under bright lights.If only.No, what we endured was a special kind of torture, designed especially for us by The Rat, that made me wish for a bamboo manicure. - Simon Mugford”