“What about James?”“James? James, the guy I work with? James who takes ice cream scooping more seriously than anyone should? James who almost had a nervous breakdown when the chocolate and rainbow sprinkles accidentally got mixed together? That James?”“He has a good work ethic. And he’s cute.”“Hello, I’m not thirty. I don’t want a good work ethic yet. I just want someone who can form complete sentences.”

“I liked James and James liked me and we both knew it and if you think about it, that's like a miracle. A real miracle. Everyone says that babies are miracles, and don't get me wrong, I love cute little pudgy babies, but if you think about it, me having a baby right now would not be a miracle. At all. But finding someone that gets me? That's the real work. That's where the miracles are.”

“I’m a ball of rage right now, James. Sitting isn’t gonna do much.”

“Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.”

“I told him that my cat was on fire and he didn’t even hear me! On fire, Victoria! And he didn’t care!”“Aud, that is so fucking twisted that I don’t even know where to start.”“Okay, I know, but it had to be drastic.”“That’s not drastic, that’s sadistic. You’ve got your –tics mixed up.”“Will you please focus on the issue at hand? Evan doesn’t listen to what I’m saying!”“And this is news?”“Should I break up with him?”“Do you want to break up with him?”“I don’t know. Distract me from feeling miserable.”“Umm… ummm… I got new shoes.”“Woo.”“Wanna come over and try them on?”“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Hey, it’s-!”“Who? Oh. Oh.”“Shut up.”“I haven’t said anything yet!”“Don’t.”“How can I shut up if I haven’t said anything?”“I know you. You’ve got a monologue coming up.”

“Faith without works is dead" Saint James”