“Guys don't know the power we hold over them with the right tint of lip gloss.”

“All I could think about was throwing something at her— something made of glass. Or spikes. Or a viral disease. They really should invent Herpes In A Jar for moments like these”

“Kiss the scumbag!”

“The neck massage: signature move of a Professional Boyfriend.”

“Awesome. I was a jealous lunatic...and I wasn't alone. Touchdown!”

“Men are scumbags until they prove they're women.”

“It's not that I am not moved by these things, that I don't them in my life. But lately, their power has diminished." - 140”