“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

“The God gives simpler problems to lesser men.”

“In the meantime, get those penis problems fixed. Every hen house needs a cock, but only the special hens can handle more than one. Try 'em out then pick one and stick with it. You're not old enough to play with two toys at the same time. That's cougar territory.”

“There are many problems which could only be solved by generations which are still to be born later. It's only one way of many how God gives answers to human problems and prayers.”

“Broken leaves flew into the air from the violence of his thrashing, and the gore and blood kept pouring from the black hole in his belly and from his mouth - surely enough blood for ten men, a sight horrid enough to make God Himself weep - and suddenly, his boots stopped running and his form stilled and then......Death caught him.”

“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.”