“You're only given a spark of madness. You musn't lose it.”

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They've got nothing to lose.”

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

“You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.”

“Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!”

“People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.”

“Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.”