“I'm glad Daddy decided not to be ridiculous.”

“Our department takes 1,120 calls every day. Do you know how many of the calls the public expects perfection on? 1,120. Nobody calls the fire department and says, 'Send me two dumb-ass firemen in a pickup truck.' In three minutes they want five brain-surgeon decathlon champions to come and solve all their problems.”

“Daddy? Daddy, I know the baby is in the mommy‟s tummy and the baby comes out of the mommy‟s tummy, but, Daddy? How do that baby get in the mommy‟s tummy?”

“I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”

“Omigod, I'm so bored I could shoot myself in the head with a knife.”

“People don't get to our ages without having pasts. I'm more interested in the future.”

“You know, you own a bar and you don't keep alcohol at home," she said, breathless. "I could have had a shot--it sometimes slows labor.""We'll have some on hand for the next one.""You keep talking like that's gonna happen," she said. "How ridiculous.""I think my record speaks for itself. But Mel. I just want to make them, not deliver them.""I hear ya, buddy".....-Jack and Mel”