“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”
“I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING!”
“I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.”
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”