“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

“When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back”

“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

“I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.”