“I got so many hickeys, people will think I'm a leper." -Rizzo”

“Sandy: "Are you making fun of me, Riz? "Rizzo: "Some people are so touchy.”

“I'm writing a book on Procrastination. I hope to start it tomorrow. I've been thinking about it for almost six years now.”

“Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations. ”

“Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even. ”

“I'm convinced that you never have to give up liberties to be safe. I think you're less safe when you give up your liberties.”

“Jesse said, "You know what we are, Tim? We're nighthawks. We're the ones who go out at night and guard everything so people can sleep in peace. We've got our eyes peeled; no one's going to slip anything past us.”