“Perhaps you have a lumpy ass because you are perserving your fat cells with diet soda”

“Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?”

“Fat cells have memories. They want to go back to their old size. But new muscles have memories too and, once you have created muscles, they work hard to hold your new shape. You are always on a diet. The only question is, a diet for what? Health or obesity? Longevity or illness?”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

“I was still alive. Ha! Take that kidnappers. Still alive. Maybe it was my butt that was feeding me. I always thought it was kind of round. I bet my body was eating up all the fat stores from my butt now. Yeah. See, having a big ass is a good thing. Good, good, good. They should put that in magazines. Why diet? Why stay thin? If you ever get kidnapped and left for dead, your fat ass could save your life!”