“Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature...”

“This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.”

“I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people...That's why I don't like any of them.”

“The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.”

“I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.”

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ”

“Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.”