“If there is in this world a well-attested account, it is that of vampires. Nothing is lacking: official reports, affidavits of well-known people, of surgeons, of priests, of magistrates; the judicial proof is most complete. And with all that, who is there who believes in vampires?”

“You know nothing... And suppose the vampire who made you knew nothing, and the vampire who made that vampire knew nothing, and the vampire before him knew nothing, and so it goes back and back, nothing proceeding from nothing, until there is nothing! And we must live with the knowledge that there is no knowledge.”

“Vampires, like virgins or priests, are things that women believe in. We must never fail to humor them in such matters.”

“Do you even really know how vampires are made?''Well, when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much...”

“How about a TV show about vampire plastic surgeons called, "Suck and Tuck"?”

“Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?""We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned."But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-""We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said."Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all.""We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."Valkyrie scowled.”