“The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.”

“Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories -- those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost”

“New York is the only city in the world where you can get run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.”

“Voters inclined to loathe and fear elite Ivy League schools rarely make fine distinctions between Yale and Harvard. All they know is that both are full of rich, fancy, stuck-up and possibly dangerous intellectuals who never sit down to supper in their undershirt no matter how hot the weather gets.”

“Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.”

“Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.”

“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”