“Those who lack a sense of humor are destined to be life's hacked up hairballs.”

“Being able to read and knowing how to read are completely different concepts.”

“World domination by 2020!”

“James sighed. “Seriously, who thought up silent letters? Why include a letter if it’s silent? Just to fuck with dyslexics?”

“My dad was never one of those dads you could ask for a quarter if you saw a gumball machine. Instead he had one of those black American Express cards not available to general public. Gumball machines didn’t have slots for those.”

“I would have rather had a dad with change jingling in his pocket; one who would have spent the last forty minutes of the world raking leaves for his kids to jump in, so that they perished in one loud, bright instant, giggles still bubbling up from their bellies, never suspecting a thing.Yeah, well. Tough luck, rich boy.”

“Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first”