“And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot.”

“i am proud of my ability to be mean to myself, so i feel like i am not interested in protecting myself and maybe that’s a friendly quality because i don’t want to be a liar to people. i think the phrase “i am not important, so be nice” all the time.- from "Sam Pink Is the Dictator – An Interview with Sam Pink”

“Three days ago, I was fired from my job teaching at a college because one of my studentsbet me that you don’t cum when you get a prostate exam and it took me seven minutesto prove that dumb fucking kid wrong. It was hard to touch my own prostate, butultimately, I was correct. I came onto the floor and onto the person in the desk up front.I said, “Kids, that is what is known as ‘empirical evidence’.”

“I walk down the hallway and go into my room and call it a day and it calls me something else.”

“And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, "I am no longer needed here.”

“from the poem Holographic Personality Disgrace: Some people are such assholes that saying, "Look, again, I'm sorry I cut off my thumb and glued it to your baby's head because I thought you'd like him better as a unicorn" means nothing to them.”

“My ideal date would involve painful silence. My ideal date wouldn't involve me.”