“from the poem Holographic Personality Disgrace: Some people are such assholes that saying, "Look, again, I'm sorry I cut off my thumb and glued it to your baby's head because I thought you'd like him better as a unicorn" means nothing to them.”

“I'm sorry. I only wanted to take a look at your unicorn.”

“What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like to rip off your clothes and have your babies.”

“I am not a good fighter," I try to explain again, fingering the edge of my shirt. "I mean, I am really bad at fighting, not as bad as my friend Issie, who is possibly the least fightery person in the world. I mean, I'm getting better, but still... I mean-- oh I'm sorry. I'm babbling.”

“I like nothing more in the world than sitting on my ass doing nothing. And it's not my fault I have this attitude, because I happen to have an amazingly comfortable ass. It may not look like much, but if you could sit on this baby for two minutes, you'd realize that getting off this ass would be a crime against nature.”

“I'm sorry if I pissed you off.I'm sorry if I acted like a fucker.But I'm not sorry for chasing off that pansy ass that used to have what's mine.Because you're my girl now and I won't have that asshole sniffing around where he doesn't belong.”