“I shut my eyesand see a pocket of darkness.I want to fold myselfflat and crisp,slip inside of itlike a sheet of paperinto an envelope.”

“I have only a general sense of the pain, of not being able to control my body and my thoughts. All I ever wanted was to have control- to be in charge of myself and the rest of the world.”

“I crave broken men.When I try to save other peopleam I trying to save myself?Am I covering up for my lack of strengthby putting people back together?I am tired.I want someone to save me - build an intricate weband place it beneath me in case I fall.”

“I can't believeno one else can hearI am screaminginside my head.Things are moving too fast. I am going to die.I am going to die. I am going to die.My hands are shaking.I try to squeeze them, try to make it stop,but now my fists are shaking,and this shaking is working it's way through me.It must look like I am having a fit.I want to let the scream out, but I think if I start, I'll never stop.It's not supposed to be like this.I am too young to die. I don't know how to make this end,and if it doesn't, I'll have to go to the hospital,be medicated, force-fed soft foods.I don't want to be that person.I am not that person.I am not. I am not.”

“Most days it feels like I am watching a moviewhere the sound isn't in sync, the speed is all wrong.Either I'm moving too quicklyand the world is dripping along,or the world is moving too quickly, cosmic,and I'm oozing like a slugbarely able to pull my own weight.It's best if I keep movingbecause if I stopped and stood stillpeople would see me shaking.”

“I want things so bad that I force them, push them until they tear.”

“It's weird to hear this again - to hear how I was perceivedby people before they got to know me.Some of the girls thought I was a bitch - aloof, distant - but now they see the truth.”