“[A]ll I want to do is sit on my ass and fart and think of Dante.”

“In my next life I want to be a cat. To sleep 20 hours a day and wait to be fed. To sit around licking my ass.”

“I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.“Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.”

“I like nothing more in the world than sitting on my ass doing nothing. And it's not my fault I have this attitude, because I happen to have an amazingly comfortable ass. It may not look like much, but if you could sit on this baby for two minutes, you'd realize that getting off this ass would be a crime against nature.”

“My current verdict would be: Crazy Eyes. Nice Ass.""I think I want that on my tombstone.”

“I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.”