“Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.”

“Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that… Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world. And we laugh, we laugh, with a will, in the beginning. But it's always the same thing. Yes, it's like the funny story we have heard too often, we still find it funny, but we don't laugh any more.”

“It is funnier to bend things than to break them.”

“Sam, just accept it. There is nothing funnier than penises randomly inserted in wildly uncalled for places in the sport of hilarious juxtaposition. Why else would we have the Washington Monument?”

“Because there is nothing here than invites us to cherish unhappy lovers. Nothing is more vain than to die for love. What we ought to do is live.”

“Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.”