“They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, 'Can he name a kitten?”

“The true test of a champion is not whether he can triumph, but whether he can overcome obstacles.”

“I like the sound of people's voices, and I think what a man says can very well tell what he's thinking, whether he's lying or not.”

“The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct”

“If you have, let us say, a theory about man, and if you can only prove it by talking about Plato and George Washington, your theory may be a quite frivolous thing. But if you can prove it by talking about the butler or the postman, then it is serious, because it is universal. So far from it being irreverent to use silly metaphors on serious questions, it is one's duty to use silly metaphors on serious questions. It is the test of one's seriousness. It is the test of a responsible religion or theory whether it can take examples from pots and pans and boots and butter-tubs. It is the test of a good philosophy whether you can defend it grotesquely. It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.”

“I don't know," I said. "Whether or not he can write his own name seems to have very little impact on his ability to be an ass.”