“I do not care to speak ill of a man behind his back, but I believe he is an attorney.”

“I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

“I don't believe in speaking ill of the dead, even when it's the truth.”

“I do not traditionally speak ill of women, but your governess is a cabbagehead”

“I've never met a person, I don't care what his condition, in whom I could not see possibilities. I don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure. I believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life any time he is ready and prepared to do it. Whenever he develops the desire he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. The capacity for reformation and change lies within.”

“As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.”