“Hey! Shouts Camel. There ain't no woman in the world worth two bottles of whiskey!”

“All right. Let's give you something to tell your grandkids about. Or great-grandkids. Or great-great-grandkids." I snort with glee, delirious with excitement. Charlie winks and pours me another finger's worth of whiskey. Then, on second thought, he tips the bottle again. I reach out and grab its neck. "Better not," I say. "Don't want to get tipsy and break a hip.”

“I am further back, surrounded on all sides by wailing men, their faces shiny with tears. Uncle Al promised three dollars and a bottle of Canadian whiskey to the man who puts on the best show. You've never seen such grief-- even the dogs were howling.”

“We traveled for two weeks with a pickled hippo.”

“When two people are meant to be together, they will be together. It's fate.”

“Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.”

“Dear God. Not only am I unemployed and homeless, but I also have a pregnant woman, bereaved dog, elephant, and eleven horses to take care of.”