“I have to convince myself that this is not a pointless life, even the body is telling me so.”
“The books were a private part of me that I carried inside and guarded and didn't talk to anybody about; as long as I had the books I could convince myself I was different from the others and my life wasn't quite as stupid and pointless.”
“Even when I don't have to write, I arrange it every morning with the pointless rigor that has made me lose so many lovers.”
“It would have been so pointless to kill himself that, even if he had wanted to, the pointlessness would have made him unable.”
“I even tried to tell myself to live my best life today.”
“...that it was so completely their own that it would have been pointless to even try to speak of it to someone else.”