“I lost the ability to fear and panic. Instead I felt practical and causal. I had never known time to pass so acutely before. I sat out through the night with the patrol, watching the bitter glow of stars overhead, listening as the season exhaled and the layers of vegetation shrugged and compressed, like the ashes of burnt wood. On the hills I was aware of every corporeal moment, every cycle of light. I felt every fibre of myself conveying energy, and I understood that it was finite, that the chances I had in life would not come again.”

“I considered him and felt the now familiar crush of emotions weighing on me, begging me to cave in and fall into his strong arms.I pushed back with every ounce of energy I had left. Every time I trusted someone, I got hurt. Every time I let go, I was let down. Not again. I would drive them away before the left.”

“Energy is what I had lived so long beside. Energy is who I had married - the energy that permeates life, that comes out of every pore and explodes into the world.”

“So many things in the world have happened before. But it's like they never did. Every new thing that happens to a person, it's a first... In that night I felt expansion, as if the world was branching out in shoots and growing faster than the eye could see. I felt smallness, how the earth divided into bits and kept dividing. I felt stars.”

“I experienced a devastating loss of self...But in the same moment, I also recognized that a profound commitment had taken root inside me, and it was beautiful. I felt a duty that ran deeper than any I had known before. I had lost my old self, but in return it felt like I gained a life imbued with new meaning.”

“ I felt that the world itself had changed and that it would never be steady under my feet again. I felt I understood nothing of people and had no way to learn. I felt fear. Until you have felt fear, you cannot imagine it. Once you have really felt it, you know that all your earlier nervousness was but a pale shadow.”