“I have never met anyone who laughs so much with so little reason.”

“I'm ninety-five years old. I can have ice cream ten times a day if I want.”

“After you hit puberty, it's just one thing after the other until the day you die. You have some good years in your twenties, after you've stopped embarrassing yourself constantly and before your back goes out and your knees start to creak. And those are just the physical things. They say as you get older, your essential nature is revealed. Sort of like a balsamic reduction of the soul.”

“Her hair looks like mine: dull, flat and stringy. The only difference is that she pulls hers back into a ponytail when she's working outside. Ponytails on guys are lame.”

“An urn? What's wrong with, like, a big margarine container? Or an ice-cream pail? We're just going to scatter the ashes, right? It's not like we're going to put them on the mantelpiece or set up a shrine.”

“You can have a normal life. It's not too late for you."I nearly laughed. "You've clearly never met my parents. Normal was never an option.”

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat youright. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”