“I'm ninety-five years old. I can have ice cream ten times a day if I want.”

“An urn? What's wrong with, like, a big margarine container? Or an ice-cream pail? We're just going to scatter the ashes, right? It's not like we're going to put them on the mantelpiece or set up a shrine.”

“After you hit puberty, it's just one thing after the other until the day you die. You have some good years in your twenties, after you've stopped embarrassing yourself constantly and before your back goes out and your knees start to creak. And those are just the physical things. They say as you get older, your essential nature is revealed. Sort of like a balsamic reduction of the soul.”

“I have never met anyone who laughs so much with so little reason.”

“Her hair looks like mine: dull, flat and stringy. The only difference is that she pulls hers back into a ponytail when she's working outside. Ponytails on guys are lame.”

“If I'd been ten years old again I'd have stuck my tongue out at Caroline. At sixteen, I ought to be above such behavior.I wasn't.”

“I bet it’s never happened to you."She was right. But that was only because I’d been five years old when Grandpa had started my training. When I’d thought there were monsters under the bed, he taught me how to do a proper sweep to get rid of them.”