“Chocolate Cherry Fixer-Uppers”

“Never agree to marry a man because he has potential. Men are not houses, they do not make good fixer-uppers.”

“Wait," I say. "Aren't soulmates supposed to be perfect? What if you find yours and shes not a virgin, not even a girl? What if he's a fixer upper? What if he has an STD?”

“All you have to do is take a man at face value. Don't go into it thinking you can change them. Men aren't fixer-uppers, not like a house or a car. You buy them as is.”

“So what are you in the mood for? (Sunshine)How about naked Sunshine al dente covered in whipped cream and chocolate? We could even put a cherry on top. (Talon)”

“I'm very harsh on real estate agents. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of how the call every small house 'charming' and every run-down house a 'great fixer-upper'. Just once, I'd like them to show me a house and declare, 'This one's a piece of crap'.”