“And there is one thing that I really, really like to have company for. Watching TV. I'm not particularly needy in relationships, I actually demand a fair amount of space. But I really like to be in bed with another human being and watch TV. That's as intimate and reassuring and tender as it gets for me. I find dating exhausting and uninteresting, and I really would like to skip over the hours of conversation that you need just to get up to speed on each other's lives, and the stories I've told a million times. I just want to get to the watching TV in bed. If you're on a date with me, you can be certain that this is what I'm evaluating you for—how good is it going to be, cuddling with you in bed and watching DamagesI'm also looking to see if you have clean teeth. For me, anything less than very clean teeth is fucking disgusting. Here's what I would like to do: I would like to get into bed with a DVD of Damages and have a line of men cue up at my door. I would station a dental hygienist at the front of the line who would examine the men's teeth. Upon passing inspection, she(I've never met a male hygienist, and neither have you) would send them back to my bedroom, one at time, in intervals of ten minutes, during which I would cuddle with the man and watch Damages. Leaving nothing to chance, using some sort of medical telemetry, I would have a clinician take basic readings of my heart rate and brain waves, and create a comparison chart to illustrate which candidate was the most soothing presence for me. After reviewing all the data from what will now be known in diagnostic manuals throughout the world as the Silverman-Damages-Nuzzle-Test, I will make my selection.”

“I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, 'Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance free this evening?”

“If I had my life to live over...Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.”

“I want to be with you so badly right now. i want to take you home with me, and put you in my bed and have hours and hours with your body wrapped up in mine and to do with as I wish. I want to have you in the morning so when we wake up I can make you come, saying my name...I want to watch some crap TV show and have you fall asleep against me on the couch so I can watch you and hear you breathing”

“I envy you then. I have no idea what it would be like to have people like that in my life. People who needed me."She watched him go. She could need him. Could fill up that part of him.”

“The man of my dreams is almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man each woman dreams of in her most secret and deepest part of her heart. I could almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? Forgive me, I've never known this feeling. I've lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder that I fail to recognize it? You brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way I can tell you how my life has changed? Anyway at all, to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There's so much to say-- and I can't find the words-- except for these... I love you. That is what I would say to him if he were really here. ”