“Over to my left is the big grey wall in front of the church.Are we the Thoughts of God? a poster asks.No, I realise. It's the reverse. ”

“When I was fourteen, I had a massive poster on my wall of a giant pop-art mouth advertising a Swiss exhibition of abstract art. My friends and family mocked my pretention, but I loved that poster and the hope it offered of an exciting world of thought beyond the boundaries of stifling Solihull. But one day the poster fell off the wall and the dog pissed all over it, ruining it for ever, while my mother laughed. That poster is what the Alternative Comedy dream meant to me - the possibility of a better world. And now it is covered in dog's piss.”

“A cold realisation washed over me. From now on, my master would not always be there to protect and counsel me. 'This is big. Too big,' I said. 'What do I do?''You follow your destiny,' Ryoko said. 'As we all do. With honour and courage.”

“I have cried over myself a hundred times this summer, she thought, I have wept over my big feet and my skinny legs and my nose, I have even cried over my stupid shoes, and now when I have true sadness there are no tears left.”

“Reverse psychology, I do it in front of the mirror.”

“When the horse was little, Massie had covered the walls with posters of young fillies that she thought Brownie would find sexy.”