“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”

“The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.”

“Our system requires a continuous supply of highly capable people who are so disgruntled with their jobs that they are willing to chew off their own arms to escape their bosses.”

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

“There were yogurt-colored clouds that afternoon, and I was there, blotting out your sun with a spoon.”

“Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabularyare your brain’s limits, not the universe’s.”

“The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.”