“There is no such thing as a dead language, only a dead lay that's a little too quiet for my tastes.”

“It's not necrophilia if she still has a pulse...”

“Write to me your most perfect epitaph, or I shall compare a poet to a lecturer. Thou art more Spartan than a ballad monger who makes his living as a Wal-Mart greeter;”

“When the world is mine, then you all will be the 99.9%.”

“What I want is a beautiful and sophisticated piece of ass that happens to be 'bi.”

“According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking.”

“Being dead's only a problem if you know you're dead, which you never do because you're dead!”