“Mrs. Francis, may I introduce the Scourge of the Skies, the Terror of Dairy Farmers, the Lord of Lactose, Master of the Cheese Pirates of Snow Monkey Island, Captain Cheesebeard.”

“It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”

“We have rules One-Ear." The man smiled faintly at Mrs. Francis. "Ladies are not to be hacked apart with swords. It reflects badly on pirates in general and on our outfit in particular.”

“Pirate Captain Jim"Walk the plank," says Pirate Jim"But Captain Jim, I cannot swim.""Then you must steer us through the gale.""But Captain Jim, I cannot sail.""Then down with the galley slaves you go.""But Captain Jim, I cannot row.""Then you must be the pirate's clerk.""But Captain Jim, I cannot work.”

“Lord Worth: 'I think you may be quite useful to me. The heiress has a brother.'Captain Audley: 'I am not the least interested in her brother,' objected the Captain.”

“My rural erection didn’t impress the people in town, but I did have all the dairy farmers lining up to try to milk it.”