“My programs don't have bugs... they have random features.”
“Politics: A combination of "poli" meaning many, and "tics" meaning irritating little bugs.”
“According to my best recollection, I don't remember.”
“I wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.”
“If you think things can't get any worse, you have no imagination.”
“If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.”
“If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”